Never go back to school

On Tuesday morning I whizzed through France, hammered my way across Spain, spun round and bolted through Germany, only to find myself back in Spain. I did this without leaving the country.

How? I was in a language lab, in a very prestigious girls school in north London, that’s how.

And boy do they work fast – 35-minute lessons delivered at break-neck speed by teachers who can carry on 7 conversations simultaneously without exploding.

And like policemen, they seem to be getting younger. The German teacher was about 12.

I went to the staff room at mid morning break expecting tranquillity, but in fact, it was just as manic as class. I don’t think these teachers have a slow speed. I think they go full pelt, then, at the end of term, go blank, like computers being logged off.

The purpose of my visit was to see how the language lab that I’m helping to introduce to Libya works in a real environment. Not that schools are real environments. If you looked at one under a microscope, you’d see the friendly bacteria in Yakult. At end of class they swarm out of the classrooms and the corridors become the narrow streets of Pamplona.

In addition to all my educational endeavours I picked up some more writing commissions. I’m not complaining, it’s just my schedule is tighter than a tight thing with tight things on. Sadly, the editors’ deadlines are even tighter. But there is a golden rule in freelance writing; never turn a commission down. I haven’t

Two of the commissions have been lengthy, around 2000 words. That won’t mean much to you, and why should it. It’s about the size of three double decker buses… no its not. It’s about 3 to 5 pages in a magazine, depending on how they lay it out, and what photos they incorporate.

Two other commissions were from in-flight magazines so you won’t see them unless you’re flying over Asia in January. The other two, also come out in January, but are published here in the UK, and if you feel the urge you can buy them and have a read. Look out for Sweet magazine (no, its not about sweets) and Real Travel. WH Smith’s are your best bet.

The only reason I’m telling you all this is to prepare you for the bad news on the book front. I’ve only managed about 2000 words this week. OK, they’re all top of the range, Rolls Royce, solid gold words, but its a measly return. My target is nearer 10,000.

Still, the social scene in Libya is, shall we say, limited, so I hope to get back on track while I’m away. Then again, I’ve also pre-sold a feature on Tripoli, and another magazine is thinking about a proposal I sent on Benghazi…