Tooning & Mooning

I woke up with a strange sensation this morning. No, not that you perverts – pride. Yes, after nearly 18 months of lighting up the linguistic backwater that is Blogland I have finally inspired a follower to start his own Blog. Why not go and visit it: http://werewolfofhampshire.blogspot.com/

It’s not as the name suggests about a hirsute Victorian gentleman with wolverine tendencies and a toothsome smile. That said Chris, the author, is not shy when it comes to facial hair or indeed a mane. The latter manifests itself in a Francis Rossi ponytail. Some say the ponytail is shared as Chris and Francis have never been seen together… spooky.

You will discover Chris is ‘in toon with the moon’ or as I might describe it, barking mad. He is a keen gardener and contends that planting should follow the rise and fall of the white orb that the Clangers once called home.

He has extended his toonery to other aspects of his life and now refuses to attend to his Farmer Giles with the required medication (a soothing unction) unless the moon is floating at exactly a 68-degree angle to the pub sign in front of the Fox…

Unfortunately, when perfectly aligned, he administers said unction outside the public bar causing unaware drivers travelling in an easterly direction along Hawley lane to involuntarily become in toon with the mooning…

Enough frippery. Today I’d like to throw some light on the snow issue that has caused untold misery to millions in the UK. I think I know what’s happened. Its not snow at all: its cocaine. This explains why everyone is talking about it incessantly and sliding about on their arses – they’re off their heads.

It’s why prisons and sink estates seem to have mysteriously clear pavements. How else can you explain why there isn’t even a light dusting of the white stuff on bankers’ coats?

There is a way to get the country running normally again but it involves inserting a digit up your jacksy and tooning in with the moon… Next Blog? I dunno - probably politicians, I haven't had a good moan about them in ages...