The Curse of Advertising

You might recall from a previous Blog that my hotel in Moscow made a virtue of the fact it had been ‘functioning’ for 50 years. This is an example of an advert not quite getting it right.

            The taxi driver I’ve booked for a days sightseeing in Beijing has a similar problem. He advertises under the moniker of Johnny Yellow Car. Before booking him, I visited his website. There I discovered his car is, in fact, black and, although I can’t prove it, I suspect his mum never named him Johnny. But no matter, there’s a picture of him looking honest, leaning on a car with colouring that bears no relation to the advertised name, which itself is probably made up anyway.

            South East Asians have some interesting advertising strategies. For example, they frequently combine their company name with the services they strive to offer. That’s why you see hairdressers called “Best Hair Cut!” Or Travel Agents like “Impressive Travel.” I once stayed in a Bangkok hotel called “Good Sleep Hotel.”

I wonder of this method of advertising has a future over here. Will we ever see a “He’s Dead Get Over It” funeral director? Or a “No More Hairy Legs” beauty parlour? Somehow I doubt it. Although, in a similar vein, I once saw a poster on the underground for something called Jesus.Com - the legend across the top promised “Heaven is open for business 24/7”. I suspect it was an automated system: ‘Press 1 for Catholics, 2 for Jews, 3 for Muslims…’ I never rang it, but it’s comforting to know that Jesus is only at the end of a phone if you need him.

But, I digress, back to Johnny Yellow Car. We’ve been exchanging e-mails in an elongated booking negotiation for some weeks. Most of the discussion has been around what I might like to see. Johnny suggested the Great Wall. I countered with Tiananmen Square. He raised his Great Wall by adding a gastronomic meal in the Forbidden City. I didn’t have enough knowledge on Beijing to raise him further so we plumped for the Great Wall and a nosh up. And to be honest, I think the meal swung it for me. Its not that I don’t want to see the majesty of the Great Wall, it’s just that it already seems so familiar to me. It’s the telly; they always have a programme on it somewhere on Sky.

You could argue the meal experience will also be familiar; after all there isn’t a town in England without a Chinese restaurant. But, my local doesn’t do deep fried chicken feet in a black bean sauce does it? Or dogs liver lightly sautéed in soy sauce and ginger for that matter.

I’ve eaten dog before and no it didn’t taste like chicken or tuna. I didn’t feel the urge to smell crutches after either, or pee up lampposts. In the North East of Thailand, near the Laos border, they advertise dog as country lamb, but I wouldn’t say it taste like that either.

So, if I were thinking of opening a dog restaurant I’d plump for a name that's neutral, like “Rover’s,” restaurant, or “Here Boy!” Café…

However, I suspect Johnny Yellow Car, will probably take into account my western sensibilities when it comes to eating the parts of animals we, ironically, feed dogs.

Which is a pity because I wouldn’t mind a taste of the real Orient. I think my internal organs are up to it. After all, my digestive system has been ‘functioning’ for nearly 50 years…