Picture Power

I think it was Telly Savalas who sang that a picture paints 1000 words. I can’t recall the next line as my brain refuses to remember him as anything other than the tough talking, non-singing Kojak.

OK, I can’t get excited about the song but I kind of agree with the sentiment. I good photograph is a story in itself. A bad one is a thumb.

So I’ve been thinking photographs. Then I thought camera. Obviously, I need a new camera. Not want one you understand. Need one. I own a digital camera, which, being over 6 months old, is about as obsolete as a Sinclair C5. Certainly the manufacturer doesn’t make it anymore, which has to mean something right?

So, when a brochure from a well-known camera retailer fell into my lap and opened itself at the SLR section, I thought hello... Then I noticed someone had scribbled a huge red asterisk above an Olympus E-420 – this must be fate, I mused.

Then, a week later, while surfing the Internet, a page popped up belonging to another retailer, and yes, you’ve guessed it, at the SLR section. The Olympus E-420 was highlighted, with arrows pointing at it from every direction. Spooky I thought. Then I saw the price - £50 cheaper.

A week later – and you might guess where this is going – I was passing another camera shop and noticed a man in the window tap dancing beside an Olympus E-420. He was holding a sign saying, ‘Olympus E-420 – special discount today for anyone called Mike. It was £100 cheaper.

You think I bought it don’t you? Well, your wrong. I suspect there’s some Scottish in me on my mother’s side, and I couldn’t bring myself to buy a camera with a price that drops faster than its shutter speed.

I decided I could ignore the pitiful glances and make do with the camera I have. I may need a surgical appliance to lift it, but look at the workmanship. They just don’t make them like this anymore.

I’ll be taking a lot of pictures on my trip, which got me thinking about storage. I went to the shop.

            ‘Hello, I’ve got a Canon Powershot digital camera.’ 9-year-old assistant stifles a snigger. ‘And I’d like to ask you about storage.’

The 9-year-old looked over at is 11-year-old sister, who went to get her dad. Her dad apparently, is the only one in the store to have heard of a Canon Powershot digital camera.

            ‘A Canon Powershot digital camera,’ he repeated in an unnecessarily loud voice? Is that the 95?

            ’95 what.’ I asked. He looked admiringly at the kids. Checkmate, first attempt. One up to the probably divorced, greasy haired, cheap shoe wearing, purple-shirted shop assistant with sweat stains under his armpits.

            ‘Never mind Sir, many of our carry cases are universal – that means they can be used for any type of camera.’ He said the last bit very slowly, like I’d just arrived from Lithuania.

            ‘I don’t mean storage as in carry bag, I mean storage for my photos – you know, instead of filling up the card thingy I want to transfer it to something else, so I can use the card, thingy, you know, the wotsit thing in the camera again – instead of it filling up.’

At this point a newborn child joined in. ‘He means a memory card – he gurgled before going off for a feed.

            ‘Ah, why didn’t you say Sir – what make is it?’

            ‘No, I’ve got a card, its in the camera, I want to store it on something else.’

Despite my telling him I wouldn’t have access to a computer he kept suggesting I simply download the photos when the memory card was full. I gave up and left shaking my head. He read the kids a story and put them to bed.

So, I’m no nearer to solving my storage issue – looks like I’ll have to restrict my pictures to painting a 100 words…