Lies, damned lies & statistics

British newspapers think we’re all thick. In fact the media in general assume it. That’s why the TV reporter stands outside a hospital whenever there’s a story on the NHS. SO – THAT – WE - CLEARLY – UNDERSTAND – THE – NEWS – ITEM – IS – HEALTH – RELATED…

Obviously, if the reporter were sitting in a studio we’d all think he was going to talk about studios and get confused, wouldn’t we?

The printed press, who can’t realistically put a relevant picture next to every story, use comparisons. So, it’s not sufficient to know that the land mass in Russia is the largest in the world at a whopping 17,075,200 Sq Km. No, for us to grasp the enormity of the Country we’re told it’s the equivalent of 69 United Kingdoms. Obviously picturing 69 UKs is easier to get your head around. Naturally if you can break it down into Wembley Stadiums you’re onto a winner. Who couldn’t immediately grasp that Russia is, in fact, around a 1,200,000 Wembleys, or 40 million double-decker buses. OK I’m not sure about the last two comparisons but you get the picture (or do you)?

So when I tell you the train journey from Moscow to Beijing covers 5623 miles of track its hard to comprehend. Not that I believe it. Who decides where to start measuring in Moscow, and where to stop in Beijing? Have you ever seen, in any city in the world, a marker post heralding it as the centre of the city? You’d have to feel sorry for the trundle wheel operator who got that job. Imagine losing counts in the depths of Siberia? 2120 kilometres, 2121 kilometres, 2122 kilometres, ‘Shit a bear!’ Fire shot to scare bear away. ‘Now where was I? 2140 kilometres? No wait, 2240 kilometres, oh, bugger!...’

The mileage signs showing distance to London used to be marked out from Charing Cross. So Charing Cross was considered the central measurement point for London. Then they moved it nearer to Whitehall, but I bet they never changed all the signs.

Which is why I’m measuring the distance in books. Moscow to Beijing will be 7 books. The benefit of this measuring system is that you can adjust your reading to meet estimated arrival time. For example, you can substitute War and Peace with a fast-paced thriller if your 7-book estimate is looking a bit optimistic. This is the only form of measurement flexible enough when you travel, and I will be adopting it throughout my trip.

However time brings other complications. The Moscow Beijing leg sees me passing through 7 time zones. Keeping track is made more complicated by the train insisting on retaining Moscow time throughout the journey. This means just before I get off the train at Beijing it’ll be 2am. Immediately I step onto the platform it’ll be 9am. That’s one small step for me, and one giant leap for confusion.

But I’ve thought of a solution. I’m going to wear 7 watches. Set at hourly differences I’ll use the watch nearest my elbow in Moscow. As I get nearer to Beijing I’ll progressively work down my arm, until I am using the watch on my wrist.

Yes, time zones will be interesting. And for those of you trying to get your head around it, here’s a picture of a clock…