I heard on the news this morning, and not just any old news, the BBC news, that Peter Andrea, whoever he is, and Katie Jordan Price Big Tits, whoever they are, were expected in the studio to talk about their training for the London marathon.
After being corrected in my assumption that PA and KJPBT were not, in fact, lines on an optician’s eye chart, I began to wonder why this might be newsworthy. This led me, after a tortuous detour around the maze that is celebrity, to question why some people seem to be famous for being, well, famous.
‘What are they famous for?’ I asked
‘They have a TV programme, he has a six pack and she has large bosoms,’ I was told.
Apparently this programme is all about them (the couple, not her knockers – although I understand they make regular appearances – not alone, always with her…), so I’m not entirely sure what purpose it serves beyond their continued self-promotion. To tell you the truth, I’m still baffled.
Using this logic I should have been on the BBC news couch this morning, smiling confidently at Kate Silverton, and winking conspiratorially to Bill Turnbull. After all, I’ve run the London marathon, I’ve got boobs that continue to wobble long after I’ve stopped jogging, and I own a six pack (although I’ve drunk 4 of them). And I’m a bit of celebrity myself. Don’t laugh.
The Millard self-promotion wagon hurtles on. My book – recently posted onto www.authonomy.com is sitting pretty at 989th. Before you laugh further, that’s up 392 places from the day before. If my progress continues at this pace I’ll be top of the pile in about 20 minutes and a famous author in a couple of hours.
Perhaps, in preparation for my forthcoming torrent of adulation, I should get into training. I’ve still got the Union Jack shorts I originally ran in, and I think, with some rigorous buttering, I might still squeeze into them.
As for the 26.2 miles, if I finished, that really would be news…
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